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Oct. 8th, 2009 | 10:51 pm
location: My crib, yo
mood: chipper chipper
music: Santogold

Hello. I'm very pleased that you want to read my daily witterings. Slightly concerned, but pleased nonetheless. However, I'm a tad worried about privacy (an unfortunate trait for someone with an online diary). So just add me, leave a comment saying who you are and how you found me, and I'll generally add you back. I'm not that fussy. All I ask is that there's a smidge of variety in your entries, so I get something fun to read when I'm not picking my bum, drinking tea and watching Hollyoaks. If you fall into any of the following categories, there's a chance I might delete you. Well, not delete you. I'm not arrogant/popular enough to do that. But at least not properly read your entries. Yeah. That'll show you.
♥ People who post nothing but memes.
♥ People who don't even write entries, just use it as space to plug whatever they're selling on eBay (I can't, won't and don't know how to go on eBay. It scares me. I'm set in my ways, and I'm never changing my mind on the matter. So there.)
♥ People who only ever discuss how depressed they are. I'm not heartless (I've got a wide selection of human hearts currently stored in my sock drawer, for example). Mental health problems are indeed unpleasant, and I'm hardly the epitome of positive mental thinking myself. Thing is, there's a difference between the odd humorous rant and dragging your entire friends list down with day after day of "today, I saw a squirrel. It dropped an acorn, and another squirrel ran off with it. It was such a poignant metaphor for life that I went home and scratched my arms with a spork. The blood that flowed forth was as red as the now endangered species of squirrel in the UK."
&hearts People likely to disapprove of my lifestyle. At least be indifferent to it. If you're actively anti-drink, anti-smoking, anti-drug use, anti-sex-before-marriage, anti-junk food or anti-anything-fun, you're more than welcome to read anyway, as long as you accept that ticking me off about that time I drank a wellington boot full of vodka or went on a hallucinogenic-fuelled trip to the supermarket is not going to work. I'm highly irresponsible, and will continue to be so until that fateful day when it all goes horribly wrong and I end up growing a third tit or something.

I think that's it to be honest. So... yeah. Leave a comment and I'll hit you back, nootch. Over and out!